Who's That Girl?

Lucy has definitely hit her six week growth spurt, which is how I
comfort myself with this constant feeding. But she hasn't grown THAT
much!

Meet Nia! Nia arrived in this world on March 31st. She is also the
inspiration for me having Amy as my pastor/doula. The week Nia was
born, I was seriously considering whether or not to hire a doula. Amy
came up to me at church and said, I have to tell you about Natalie's
birth. I was there for the whole thing. It was so great.

Aha! Right then and there, I decided on the spot that Amy would be the
perfect doula. Good call because all of the GWU staff asked who she
was because she was the best doula they had ever seen.

Fast forward twelve weeks, Natalie and I had our first mother's
morning something/lunch/play date. It was great. Granted Nia came into
the world at nine plus pounds, which is still bigger than Lucy at six
weeks. But it's always nice to have a glimpse of the next stage. Nia
enjoyed Lucy's activity mat and bouncy seat. We picked up lunch from
California Tortilla.

Lucy unintentionally met William from the party on the corner. He even
rescued her pacifier from underneath Natalie's car. He told me to boil
it before I gave it back to her. Fortunately I have two on hand, but
maybe I should pick up a couple extra for similar circumstances.

This wasn't Nia's first visit. On Wednesday, May 13th, Natalie brought
over the changing pad half an hour before rush hour. I had been
shopping all day Tuesday running my final errands. I drove deep into
Northern Virginia. I went to Ikea, Target, Babies R Us and down to
Stafford to pick up a few more items from the person I bought the
Bugaboo Bee. I had one more stop at Buy Buy Baby, but I had just
enough time to make it home and waddle down to Oyamel for Khoa's
birthday celebration. I sat on those horrid stools as long as I could
before finally leaving the group behind. I invited everyone back to
see the nursery, which they obliged with Red Velvet cupcakes in hand.

So on Wednesday, I put away all of my new treasures, set up the
changing table and put all of the hand me downs and several new
outfits in the laundry. I talked to Kim for about an hour about I
don't know what. Soon after Natalie arrived with the changing pad. I
was so scared she would get a ticket, so she didn't even sit down.
Instead we stood next to her car and finished our conversation as the
parking ticket person approached. I knew it!

That night I had a meeting at church. Amy was leaving on sabatical
right after my due date. As a member of the pastoral relations
committee, I was asked my greatest fear in terms of her absence.
Honestly, it was a personal one with her as my friend. I was afraid
about having my baby and her leaving soon after. I guess it was good
for me to be honest, as I tried not to let my emotions loose.

I was miserable. I could barely walk and I didn't know how I would
make it three more weeks. Earlier that week, I saw an older woman
buying an EPT from Bed Bath and Beyond. I tried to avoid making eye
contact out of common courtesy. I didn't want her to see how miserable
I was and scare her.

The entire church meeting I just thought about how I could get ahold
of the brownie pan across the table from me. I finally managed a
little bite before slowly walking home admist the crowd of excited
Caps fans.

It was game seven of the NHL Chanpionship. Carol had let me borrow her
parking space, but I needed to move my car by 9 or so. So I was doing
legit church business and decided to park at the church before the
meeting and move the car on Thursday.

I thought nothing of it that night when I told my mom I thought that I
was ready. I was finally resting on the couch. After receiving the
changing pad, I was only missing a brush. Mom laughed and told me she
didn't think a brush was necessary.

Next thing you know, I was emailing Amy and calling my mom at 6 am. My
water broke around 5 am. As I have shared before, Henry didn't arrive
home until 2, so he wanted me to get back in the bed. But I ignored
him and continued packing, cleaning, eating and getting ready. It
wasn't until about 6:20 that we realized Henry needed to get the car,
but the garage was closed until 7. Opps... Maybe that wasn't such a
good idea after all.

Amy called to check on me and I confessed. Coincidentally Sam had an
early practice and she could pick us up around 7:30. Not to worry. And
I didn't. I remained calm and collected. I only once fussed at Henry
as he made a snarky comment. I told him that I was not married to
Larry David and he needed to stop saying whatever it was he was
baggering about. The calm openess and meditation of opening rosebuds
worked, because as we covered earlier, I dilated a lot sooner than my
chief resident or anesthesiologist ever anticipated. I was completely
dilated by noon and missed my window for an epidural. That was the
instance where being calm didn't work in my favor. They didn't believe
me when I begged for them to check me. I will know for next time.

So thanks to Natalie for the missing link, which seemed to set this
baby in motion. I was ready! Now I'm ready for more lunches with Nia.

Don't leave, Alex!

I believe that Alex was just as smitten with Lucy as she was with him.
Here Lucy is showing off her neck skills during an impropmtu tummy
time. Or she may have been bobbing her head down in search of an
active mammary gland.

Alex would wake up in the middle of the night with Lucy. But he claims
he would tell her to keep crying until one of us came to assist her.

Although we were sad to see Alex leave, we won't miss him for long.
We are leaving for NC on Thursday after an early follow-up with Lucy's
pediatrician. So we will all see him soon.

Birthday Girl

Today is the coveted six weeks. It's all downhill from here. Well,
maybe. I think about how far we've come, specifically with her
feeding. Although I often feel like we are in the same place as five
weeks ago. Thankfully, Henry reminds me that we are not.

Coincidentally, Sarah's copy of Babywise arrived in the mail today.
The second chapter is all about feeding philosophies. I need a new
one, because so far I seem to be stuck with long sessions of comfort
nursing. After reading a forum of mom's discussing this problem
online, I realized things could be worse.

But, Little L, you are missing out on lots of fun activites with all
of this time being spent on eating. But at least now, you can eat
enough that you seem content and satisfied for a little while. Once
you are finished eating, you will smile, kick and play.

Lucy, today you are all dressed up in your sweet yellow dress. You are
so much more alert than even a week ago. You are generally quiet,
unless you are crying. Sometimes you have a soft little coo. You still
have your cat cry when you are really upset, which makes me laugh.
Your dad really entertains you with his funny faces and endless
singing. Everyone comments as we walk down the street. You are quite a
hit, Little Bear.

Ready for the summer

Alex arrived right on time to help us usher in the sweltering DC
summer. Let's hope that it will be a little milder than usual.

But just in case, I bought Lucy a pair of UV400 sunglasses. (That
wasn't a typo!) Plus she has this sweet flower petal hat, which seems
to swallow her head. I think the only way to keep it in place is with
the assistance of her BinkiGrip, a ribbon and clip that keeps her
pacifier close by.

But when it came down to it, I left her sun accessories at home and
just pulled the little hat cover on the Ergo carrier up over her head.
I've also discovered the hat is the perfect napkin/cover to protect
Lucy from any accidentally dropped food. We are taking advantage of
the hypnotizing effect the Ergo carrier has while we can.

We are out for the first stop on our gastrotour, Nando Peri Peri. It's
a very late lunch or a very early happy hour. Alex and I are splitting
a meal, because the next stop is Brasserie Beck's. I have already
contacted the restaurant and they are happy to make a dairy-free dish
of mussles upon request. I'm very excited.

Salud!

Happy Father's Day!

This is Henry's first Father's Day, plus the first Father's Day he has celebrated with his father in many years!



Here is Grandpa Rutledge checking out Lucy about an hour after she was born. She is a lot more active now.

Happy Father's Day to Henry, Antonio, and Dad! We love you!

Large fry for small fry

We unknowingly ordered a large fry at Five Guys. Lucy had to help us
finish them, but it was a failed attempt.

How many potatoes do you think comes in a large fry? Good thing I've
cut out the dairy. I have a little extra room for the additional
calories. But fries don't compare to a Skinny Cow. Thanks, Shannon.

Meet Los Abuelos

Abuelita Martina y Lucia

Henry's parents arrived much later than expected with rain delays. We were ready!


Abuelo Antiono y Lucia this morning

When Antonio finally sat down with Lucy in his arms, he fell to pieces. He is a bit of a softy at heart. Let's just say they are in love. As we speak, they have discovered her funny little faces she makes while dreaming.


On the phone with Tio Tony

Lucy pulled out the ability to breastfeed like a normal baby yesterday afternoon. Is that a repeat of the birth? Finally pulling through at the last possible moment? Maybe. But a lot of stress has been relieved. Henry said that I high-fived him at least a dozen times. Now I just need to figure out her eating schedule vs. my pumping routine.

This morning we went for her monthly check-up. Maybe she does represent the Watts genes. She is 21" and 7 lbs 14 oz, placing her in the 50th percentile for height and around fifteenth for weight. Tall and skinny, she is living up to Lisa's nickname of Willow.

Good morning! Good morning! Good morning!

We are so excited to meet the abuelos. They should be here around 8:30
tonight. Henry's first Father's Day will be celebrated with his
daughter and his dad. It's so sweet that I should have a gift or at
least something planned. Maybe I'll have time once we have a couple of
extra pairs of hands around eager to hold Lucy.

Hello, Memaw!

Lucy comes from a long line of excellent burpers, myself included. This is not one of my finer strengths, but I try to keep an unsavory moments contained to the privacy of my home. My paternal grandmother was not so shy as she progressed in age. Once she passed on to the other side, so to speak, Henry and I started saying "Hello, Memaw!" each time I had an exceptionally loud burp.

So right off the bat, you could sit Lucy up and, before you even touched her back, there was Memaw loud and clear. Yesterday afternoon, we were home from the doctor's office and it seemed like an apparition of Memaw might appear right in front of us. She was in terrible pain, but burping non-stop. They were so loud that I could not help but laugh at her even though she was screaming, eating and burping in a frenzy.

The pharmacist saw her prescription and suggested that I pump her knees into her stomach to help release the gas. He told me that he would use this exercise on his own son and that he knew about it from the Bernie Mac show. I had actually already tried this move the night before as part of her baby massage. But this time, she had this startled look, threw her arms back, and lost it. This little girl was in some serious pain.

Lucy has GERD (reflux). Actually the lactation consultant pointed out that all babies have reflux, but she may have reflux disease. She definitely has a dis-ease. I have known for some time that her feeding is off. That is the only way that I could put it. So this weekend, when she flat out refused my breast, I knew something was up. I pulled out The Nursing Mother's Companion, my very favorite breastfeeding book, and discovered what was going on. It listed the symptoms and it sounded like what I had been progressively battling over the last five weeks (yes! five weeks!). She was congested, labored breathing and choking when feeding, eating all of the time, and the tell-tale sign of arching her back. Aha! Why hadn't I read this section before.

Lucy is a pretty calm and content baby. So if I hadn't listened to what Oprah calls that little voice, we probably would not have figured out what was wrong until a few days after she started screaming hysterically around anything related to food. Even at the doctor's office, I thought that she was content on the table. The doctor pointed out that she was arching her back and trying to get on her side. She also noted that she had a small little throat clearing that she was doing. Wow! Who knew? Lucy really didn't completely lose it until after I had the prescription in hand. Lucky for me. Although it has been a hard 24 hours, because it takes a while for the baby Zantac to work. Tonight was the first time she just laid flat on her back while I changed her diaper. So I guess that it is finally starting to work.

The sad news for me, is that at this point, I am giving up dairy. I have craved dairy products like nobody's business. When I was pregnant, I wasn't that hungry. But all of that changed around 9:15 am after my water broke. I have been starving ever since. Plus I have spent many days thinking about the oatmeal chocolate chip cookie from Potbelly's. I have never really craved chocolate ever in my life. Until yesterday, I would drink one to two Carnation Instant Breakfasts a day, in addition to cereal, yogurt, Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches, fresh mozzarella cheese. The list goes on. Oh great cow, how I love you. I am sort of at a loss for what to eat. But I recalled a delicious vegan cupcake from Sticky Fingers Bakery in Dupont Circle. Good thing it is not down the street. I am pretty certain that just because it is vegan, it is NOT low fat.

We have also started feeding Lucy a hypoallergenic formula to see if that will work. It smells exactly like some kind of food that Memaw used to make. I think mashed potatoes, but I am not sure. I love my Memaw, but I do not miss this smell. It's not a good memory smell, like molasses cookies. Granted, it's not a bad memory smell, like the hamburger macaroni casserole. I ate so much of it, I threw up all over myself in the bed when I was two. The experience was so bad that I still remember my mom washing me off in the bathroom sink and I was TWO. So when she throws this formula up, it makes me want to gag. I don't seem to remember this same smell from the formula they were giving her in the hospital and we used to supplement when she arrived home.

On the breastfeeding side of things, Lucy is actively seeking out the breast. I guess she isn't crazy about the formula either. She has never done this before. In fact, I had this grand plan with the lactation consultant to spend two days with just the breast. I tried to solicit the help of my mom, but she just laughed at me. Then she admitted that if Lucy wanted a bottle, she would probably give it to her. It's not that we are going off the bottle cold turkey. I'm just trying to get her to go breast first and then bottle at certain times of the day. I want her to take less than two hours to eat a full meal. How about half an hour? I'll even give her forty-five minutes. But these two-hour sessions are too much and I'm talking about with a bottle. So we have some feeding issues. But I am happy to say that I think this plan to help with the reflux might in fact help with the breastfeeding.

When I was pregnant, I went to the Breastfeeding Center for a class. (Now I'm there at least once a week.) It was my first time there and I wrote about it way back when. I was in complete shock when I saw a video of a newborn rooting around on the chest of a mother and just bobbing her head until she made what is referred to as the natural latch. This was shockingly interesting, until I noted the caption at the bottom of the screen later in the film and this baby was SEVENTEEN weeks old. That is over four months. Four months of just letting your baby bob his head around while you wait for them to feed?

I had very few pre-conceived ideas about my delivery and motherhood, but it seems like the few things I was passionate about have gone in the complete opposite direction. And this is one of them. (Even in the Earth Day post, I declared that I would be a "recreational pumper." Ha!) It seems that my child wants to take the lead on feeding and this is the only way that she can latch. I place the Boppy next to us in an upside down horseshoe position so that she can rest her head once she finally wiggles her way in place. Instead of cradling her in my arms, like the rest of the mothers in the world, she is splayed out straddling my opposing thigh. I know that this is too much information for many people, specifically my brother. But for all of those mothers in battle with their child while trying to breastfeed, there is a pretty good chance that your baby might be like mine and want to do it her way.

I told my mom about this recent discovery of the new crazy position. Granted it is likely to accommodate the acid reflux radiating up her baby esophagus. But some of it may be an inherited personality trait. My mom laughed and said, "I wonder where she got that from!" I guess being a grandmother is pure bliss.

Henry has a favorite saying that he quotes all of the time. When he went to meet my dad to ask for his blessing (and witnessed a man driving through the front of a Biscuitville in Greensboro), my dad said, "Well, Caroline has always done exactly what she wants to do." I guess that I am learning what that means a little sooner than I expected.

What Daddy was working on when Lucy came...

This case.

Okay, so that's not totally true. He was actually working on this one. But given Lucy's recent trip to Jaleo and her abuelos' upcoming visit, the Spanish shipwreck case would probably make for a better blog entry.

He did work until 2 am before my water broke at 5 am. When I woke him up, he told me that it wasn't true and go back to bed. The good news is that we were expecting him to pull an all nighter on Thursday night, the night she was born. Short term, it was probably a good thing. Long term, he probably needed those billable hours!

Tonight, to help Henry prepare for a firm presentation, we watched the Discovery Channel's Treasure Quest, which tells the story of the case, and the loss of the Mercedes, in more detail. We're hoping that if Spain wins the ship back, Henry will get knighted (or at least a year's supply of jamon iberico and cruzcampo beer).

Spain (and Daddy) win Round One!

She's Just Not That Into You

Good news, Jed and Ziggy. Lucy's second date with Silas was not that successful.



First of all, she completely ignored Silas while he played with her toys, which she also ignores. Then when we had our photo shoot before leaving, Lucy lost it. That made Silas want her even more. Note the backhand in the second shot. I guess it is never too early to start playground antics akin to pulling the little girl's hair.



But I must add, the moms had a lot of fun. It's amazing what a big difference six months makes.

Close to You

After last week's rant, I managed to regroup and find a few new
solutions. Plus we managed to clean up, put things away and I finally
went through the mail. Now how do I get out of jury duty? I may have
to reschedule for my 90 days and have Grandma come up for an extended
visit in September.

One of my new solutions to the pumping/holding Lucy was moving the
bouncy seat closer. I love our Baby Bjorn bouncy seat from Rocky and
the Nucleus. I even saw her manage to bounce herself after I decided
not to buy the foldable swing at Target. If I remove one of the couch
seat cushions, I can slide the base under the one I'm sitting on. Then
I can tap it with me foot or lean over and feed her. Perfect.

We use the mini boppy from her activity mat to boost her up in the
bouncer a little, just as we do in the Ergo Baby Carrier instead of
buying the Infant insert. Before the pillow, her hands were always
caught under the straps and she hated that. This little girl does not
like to be restrained in any way. Forget swaddling. It only works half
of the time.

After another round of information overload, I'm pretty certain that
Lucy has reflux. Since we are aware, it makes things a little easier
to know how to handle the situation. We let her sleep during tummy
time on her activity mat. She tends to burp as we place her face down
and this seems to help. Plus we burp her more while eating and keep
her elevated. At this point, she seems pretty content, until it's time
to eat. And generally she will lose it somewhere along the way. But
feeding is really the only thing that feels "off." Otherwise, she's
fairly content and happy baby.

So, now that I have an action plan up my sleeve, life feels a lot more
sane. Plus my milk keeps coming and I've dropped down to six pumps a
day, which also makes a huge difference in my sanity. We had both a
play date here with Taylor and Silas and a dinner date out at Ike and
Laura's.

I'm pretty certain that much activity would have made me crazy a few
days ago with seven to eight pumps. But I'm sitting here writing and
I'm not even pumping yet. Why didn't I wait just a little bit longer
to write this, so that I would be multi-tasking? I still have a few
things I need to do before bed and do my final evening pump. I have to
maximize the 24 hours of the day and late night is way easier for me
than pre-dawn. Good night.

Sunday Serenade

A few tunes before Taylor and Silas arrived for their second date.
Photos of their meeting to follow...

Hooray! Another birthday...

One full month or four long weeks has amazingly passed us by! And the
big girl is celebrating by snoozing in her bouncy seat. In fact, she
has been there since about 12:30, when Kara sat her down to eat lunch.

We enjoyed Kara's visit immensley. I had not eaten at Teaism in at
least a month. Plus Kara said Lucy was intently watching me as I
talked to Kara. Maybe I'm not talking to her enough. But I do talk to
her all of the time.

Kara definitely lifted our spirits. A couple of weeks ago, Pat, my
lactation consultant, told me that people often want to quit trying to
breast feed at week four. She must know something, because last night
I was feeling quite optimistic. I even stayed up late and returned two-
week old emails. I read a short story by David Sedaris. I turned out
the light and told Henry I thought we had turned a corner. Little did
I know, I had jinxed myself with my previous blog entry.

Henry woke up at 2:15. I was up again at 3. Instead of trying to pump,
I opted to sleep with Lucy on the couch. I put her to bed around 6 and
then woke up again around 7 to nap with me for a few more hours. I
spent the nine o'clock hour trying to breastfeed her unsuccessfully.
What's that old saying? You can lead a horse to water, but you can't
make her drink. Nope, and she was furious. So we spent the next couple
of hours bottle feeding in her typical snack and snooze method.
Instead of eating a meal and being satisfied for a few hours, she
snacks for those same hours holding you hostage. At least with bottle
feeding, you aren't topless that entire time.

Which is why I completely started sobbing on the phone when I called a
specialist and she said the first available appointment was in August.
Fortunately I was transferred to another assistant who promised that
she would try to get me in immediately.

So the bouncy seat has been today's savior. Although I have to bounce
it for her because she is too small. But I figured out that I can
place her next to me on the couch if I remove half of the cushions.
And with the aid of the nursing stool Rosslyn brought by yesterday, I
am at least in a somewhat reclined position. My posture still sucks,
but at least my shoulders aren't parallel to the floor for a majority
of the day. If she hadn't made it this long, we were taking an
afternoon trip to Target to purchase a foldable swing for her
birthday. I need some battery-powered assistance.

So the reality is the house is a wreck. My plants need to be watered,
mail needs to be opened, trash emptied, little bottles and pump
accessories need to be washed twice a day, bed made, carpet vacuumed,
bathroom cleaned. And I would love to have her clothes organized by
size. I found a sweet newborn gown beneath a pair of 9 month old pants
in the accessory drawer. I imagine that by the time I get to organize
her clothes, she will have outgrown a lot of them. Baby, if you had
only waited one more day, I would have folded your laundry and put it
all away.

Not to mention in four weeks, I've only uploaded photos from my camera
to the Internet once and written in her baby journal the same number
of times. But I have managed to leave the house by myself once and
read one short story and most importantly lost one pumping session
beginning yesterday.

I also had a museum call me yesterday to ask me to come in and show my
work for a potential exhibit! How exciting! If I can manage to pull my
stuff together. I never updated my site in preparation for last
weekend's Hybrid Book Show. But someone was interested in buying a
piece, which is also exciting!

It's almost like God is saying this sucks, but I'm pulling some
strings for you. The same thing happened during my birth when we found
a renter with a multi-year lease soon after I learned I was completely
dialated and it was too late for an epidural. Plus I had several
friends I hadn't talked to in months, call me and email me from out of
the blue. That was one of my favorite holy moments that I completely
forgot to include in that blog entry.

Granted I already have two art project ideas from this little one. So
I guess she is good source material. But now it is time for her to get
to work and learn how to eat. I have worked super hard 24 hours a day
since her first lactation consultation the Friday before Memorial Day.
Now it's time for her to do the same. She has one week until her
abuelos arrive next week. Let's make this a pleasant first visit.

Mommy's Wish List at Week Four
1. Never run out of milk and Carnation Instant Breakfasts
2. Always have clean bottles and pump accessories and never have to
wash another one
3. A clean house
4. Only have to pump four times a day
5. Sweets
6. To stop craving sweets (I never wanted them while I was pregnant!)
7. Lucy will successfully breastfeed so that we can be away from the
pump for more than four hours/More trips out and about
8. Even if she can't breastfeed, she will learn how to eat a full meal
without getting winded or choked and be satisfied for a few hours
9. A new 13" laptop, just because my laptop has less than 4 GBs of
memory and I can never make it across the room to my iMac, which no
longer opens any Word documents
10. A new iPhone - Let's face it, my pictures aren't great and we need
to post some videos to the blog
11. Someone to transfer all of my photos to the Internet and back up
my computers so I don't lose anything
12. Some studio time

Such a good sleeper

Lucy is a great sleeper. Since we have stopped waking her, she
generally sleeps til about 4:30. My mom promises that I would sleep
for twelve hours. So I'm hoping that once she is able to eat more, she
will sleep longer.

When she wakes up in the morning, I will take her back to bed and we
will sleep in. This morning she was a little fussy after a few hours
of snoozing, but that is the first time ever. I seriously think that
she would rather sleep next to me than anything else. It's like having
your own little baby doll. Granted if it's been a while since eating,
she will become hysterical after I change her diaper and act as if I
have never fed her before.

Tonight I put on her pjs and covered up her little hands. I am certain
that she probably hates this because she loves her hands. They are
quite long and delicate. My mom thinks that they are Watts hands. When
she was first born, all of her nails were the perfect length. They
were gently rounded and looked well manicured. I suggested to my mom
that we find the man at the beach who writes your name on rice. We
should have him paint a little dragon on one of her nails. She did not
like that idea.

One of my favorite moments with Lucy is when she is falling asleep.
She often has her eyes slightly open and they roll back in her head.
At first this was unnerving to see her eyes roll around and cross. But
she makes the sweetest and funniest faces as she dreams. She puckers
her lips, smiles, and makes a few Henry and Antonio faces all in the
matter of a minute.

I have made a little video, but I still haven't made it to upload my
videos and pictures from my camera onto the Internet. Instead I go for
easy and blog for my iPhone. It's with me all the time. It's great for
blogging while pumping, on mass transit, and while breast feeding.
Rumor has it, the new iPhone features video. Maybe if there are enough
Lucy fans out there, we can take up a collection for an upgrade.
Otherwise, I'll eventually post the video.

Tummy Time

This week we are finally starting to focus on tummy time, which is
where you place your baby on their belly until they start screaming
their head off. The goal is to encourage Lucy to raise her head and
develop her neck muscles. So far it seams she is better at raising her
lower body and feet off the floor than her head. She even managed to
flip herself over on her little activity mat. I have given up on
attaching the over-hanging toys at this point because she is not
interested. But many thanks to Jennifer and Brenda for the mat, which
we love.

We are still working on helping Lucy learn how to eat a little easier.
Hence the tummy time and today's trip to get a baby massage. I have
kept up with my end of the deal, by pumping my brains out. I have now
reached my goal of 600 mls a day and out pace her by three or four
bottles. And if I have three days of 600 in a row, which I think is
today, I can cut down to only seven pumps a day. Wow! What will I do
with that extra twenty minutes of free time. Well, part of "my plan"
is to lay around cluster feeding for two to three hours for practice.
We decided that four or five hours was too much.

It could be a coincidence, but her baby acne seemed to drastically
improve after her baby massage. But it also seems to come and go. So
it may be back in the morning.

Essentially we used olive oil to stroke her back, rub circles, and
massage her neck. Lauren pointed out that Burt's Bees Apricot Oil
smells really nice, so I may try that instead. Pat taught me a few
mouth exercises to help her develop her feeding muscles. I also picked
up a book on infant massage, which includes some songs and routines.
Finally something fun to do besides feeding! Lucy loves it when we
sing to her, too.

Several of these activities, like the mouth exercises and bottle
feeding her while pumping, strike me as triggers for therapy later in
life. I'm sorry, little one. If it makes you feel better, today's
analysis says "patient mom persisting with breastfeeding." That sounds
like some sort of sad headline. I'm hoping that things pick up soon. I
keep discovering little pieces of the puzzle. One day... I hope life
will move on.

Finally!

Finally!!! A few successes...

I reached my goal of pumping 600 mls per 24 hours, which outpaces her
by three or four bottles a day. And that also means that if all goes
well tonight, I only have to pump seven times tomorrow.

And...

I found a position where Lucy is happy while I pump, which is resting
on my knees. Yesterday I was feeding her a bottle just below my chin
with these crazy plastic armature draining my breasts. UPS called. In
fact, USPS knocked on the door today while in an almost identical
position. No wonder I almost fell asleep sitting straight up.

One day I will laugh about all of this. I already have an art project
in mind. Doesn't that mean it's in the process of resolving itself?
Let's hope so.

Out and about

We ventured out and about this weekend, during which Lucy had her
first taste of her somewhat native cuisine of Spanish food. Amazingly
the passing buses drowned out the few times she cried while we dined
al fresco at Jaleo. Visions of early afternoon neighborhood patio
tours filled my head. Let's hope that DC presents us with a mild
summer this year.

Prior to our snack, we hopped in the National Building Museum for a
look at a photography exhibit and their fabulous gift shop. I've been
beginning to feell a little stir crazy. So it's great that we live
within five minutes of countless places to walk without worrying about
car seats, parking, nor even a diaper change.

I realized that we are living in an ideal place to have a baby. If we
had a parking space (which our neighbors generously let us borrow
around the birth) and a proper guest room for Grandma, it would be
perfect. There are just a few feet between the bed, bathroom, fridge,
nursery and pumping station. I've even thought maybe I should figure
out how to fit a hot tub in our guest bath and ship Lucy off to stay
with Alex for birth number two. Kidding!!! Well, at least about the
hot tub.

After we left Jaleo, I felt adventurous enough to venture down to
Barnes and Noble and 12th and E. I am in serious need of some pleasure
reading. I have finally started reading all of those baby books,
including the revered "Happiest Baby on the Block." Since she is the
only baby in the building, I'm certain our neighbors will appreciate
that this book has moved from the book shelf to my nursing station. As
for pleasure reading, I picked up David Sedaris' "When You Are
Engulfed in Flames." I love that I can picture certain places he
describes in his stories, like Crabtree Valley Mall, the Winston-Salem
Costco, or a smokey Southern family gathering. Plus, now that I am
officially a mom, I bought my first copy of Cookie Magazine. I can't
decide if I should subscribe. Henry declared that I I should only if I
want it to go under.

As for today, I began and ended the day with my first outings without
the baby. I made it to church for Amy's last Sunday before her
sabbatical. Although Lucy did make it to coffee hour to wish her a
great send off. We will miss her this summer. Then tonight, I went to
Target to buy a few necessities, including a lot of knit clothes. I
realize the importance of easy over the shoulder undressing at this
stage in my life. How quickly your priorities change.

Holy Moments

Today is Lucy's due date and her three-week birthday. Plus today was her dad's first day back at work, marking our first day home alone.

It's so hard to believe that we have made it through the last three weeks. I am SO happy that I had her when I did. I couldn't imagine still being pregnant. I felt like I was going to pop. Plus I felt like we have weathered a few storms and I would hate to even think about going through all of that again.

Earlier this week, we caught the second half of Juno on HBO. We saw this movie in the theater when it came out a while back. But this was the first birth scene I had seen since my own three weeks ago. I managed to make it through my entire pregnancy without feeling compelled to watch a birth on Discovery Health. In fact, I don't know if you can really count the birth movies we watched in our four-hour birthing class. Henry and I covered our eyes in the really intense parts. So I was a tad bit taken aback when I SOBBED when Juno gave birth, just like I had when my baby was finally placed upon my belly.

I also sobbed when I read this account of our birth written by Amy, my pastor/doula. She recounted our labor and compared it to the moments of when you go from unholy to holy. What marks that transition? Good question. Certainly it is clear when you finally meet this person whom you have been talking to for nine months. Plus you have just worked together to complete an intense collaborative effort to enter this world. All of a sudden you meet for the first time after enduring the greatest physical challenge I personally hope to ever face. (Everyone promises the second child will be easier! Right?)

For me the moment came in the final minutes of my labor. Three tiny, beautiful, female doctors stood at my feet shaking their heads and whispering to one another. My baby was face up and stuck. With my team by my side (Henry, Amy, and my dedicated nurse, who they actually asked to leave, but she refused), I felt like we were hope facing skepticism. The doctors absolutely did not believe that she was making any progress. They said that we were going to try the forceps. After the attempt, they again shook their heads and said nope... nothing happened. Well, we take that back. She actually moved a little bit. Do you want to push some more? I said that I "might could," at which point, one of the residents asked if I was from North Carolina, because she has only heard "might could" in North Carolina. Yes, I am, actually. Then I pushed a little longer. She moved a little more. More head shaking and shoulder shrugging. Do you want to try the forceps again? Okay... Again, I closed my eyes to the pessimistic faces of the doctors and pushed with all of my might. I looked up at Amy and asked for confirmation that I could do it. "Hayden (her first born) was face up, ten pounds, and a natural childbirth?" "Yep, you can do it." More pushing... Then I felt the cold medicine fill my spine. More and more people were gathering around as they were prepping me for a Cesearean. I had the chance for one more push. This time I asked Amy to pray for me. Then I asked everyone in the delivery room to call her name. "Come on, Lucy!" And I told myself, "I can do it." And like that she was out.

We made it. I think that everyone left with tears in their eyes. And there we faced certainly a holy moment, when faced with the challenge, I went above and beyond what I believed I could ever do.

When we actually drove Lucy home five days later, the colors all around seemed brighter and more vivid. Everything was crisp and beautiful. To me, when I experience this intensity of color, I know that it is in fact a holy moment. Here we were on our way home together with a new little person who will completely change our lives from that moment forward. Someone we don't really know, but already love.

My friend Corey is also going through a similar journey with the adoption of a daughter from Russia. She is in Russia right now and for the last three days I have eagerly read about her meeting her daughter - a little girl she has been praying for for over a year and finally met this week for the first time. Be sure to read Corey's journey to Russia, meeting her daughter, and the follow-up the next day. It's amazing to read about their initial interactions and the connection they already have.

I was also amazed the first time they brought Lucy into my room and she started crying. I simply placed my hand on her body and told her "This is Mama" and she stopped crying instantly. I guess that is the miracle of motherhood.

Happy Birthday, Little Bear. You slept right through our singing the song.

Gifts for Lucia

Thanks to Sarah for all of the great gifts we received today. When I saw her creative wrapping, I couldn't resist a quick photo shoot. How fun! We were instructed to open the gifts in order of her name and then the card last.

We have received so many wonderful presents from so many different people. Obviously I have been a little side-tracked and not able to finish my thank you notes. I wrote about half of them before the baby arrived. Well, I managed to send out the sixty stamps I bought prior to the May 11th price increase. So I guess that tells you the last time I thought about thank you notes. The Saturday morning before May 11th.

It's hard to believe that Lucy arrived just a few days later. And that it will be three weeks tomorrow, which is also her original due date. Insane! I am so glad that she is already here.

Maybe not friends yet

Lucy and I are hanging out waiting for the camera battery to recharge.
I'm hoping for an afternoon photo shoot before we lose the nice light.
So Henry pulled out Inoo Lala for a quick introduction. Lucy never
actually looked Inoo in the eye. I guess he is still a little big for
her at this point.

Lucy has a little baby acne on her forehead. We visited her
pediatrician this morning, who warned it would get worse before it
gets better. She said, "Take pictures now."

I have seen lots of cute pictures of my friends' children via
Facebook. But I've not been with it enough to arrange for a
professional photo shoot. Besides this outfit from Chad and Erica is
one of few that fit her. So I'm also on a race against a major spit up
or explosion out the other end. And let's be real, I don't have a lot
to choose from in my wardrobe, as well.

If you have recommendations for a photographer in the DC or WS area,
please let me know in the comments below. Maybe I can arrange
something soon.

My Baby Picture

Lots of people comment on how much Lucy looks like Henry. So okay, she probably does look more like him. But Henry did say that she has this same glassy eyed look that I have from many years ago. I don't know how old I was in this picture, but probably not too far along. I did have a full head of hair when I arrived in this world.

Night at the Museum

Well, actually, early evening at the museum. We have been trying to
get out of the house once a day, even if just for a few minutes. I had
some what considered going to church yesterday, but we have faced a
new phase with Lucy.

Since we are no longer waking her at night, Lucy is sleeping for
longer streches of time. But she also goes through chunks of time
where she eats for hours on end. You would think we were starving her.
So around 5 pm when she finally seemed like she was in a complete food
coma, we dropped in the carrier and headed to the National Portrait
Gallery. Considering she slept the entire time, she lasted longer than
I did.

We are about to venture out again for Lucy's first trip to the studio.
I really want a nap, but I feel like it's now or never. And I have to
collect some items for my setup at the Hybrid Book Fair in
Philadelphia this weekend. Many thanks to Ceci for taking my stuff for
me.